Australia’s Claim to Have Helped Bring Peace to Gaza After Recognising ‘State of Palestine’ is Beyond Risible

The writer is in Australia.

Readers of my vintage may recall the fabulous late 1960s TV series Get Smart. The show starred Don Adams and Barbara Feldon and was the brainchild of the great comedic genius Mel Brooks, his first hit. (As an aside, my wife and I were lucky enough a couple of decades ago to see Brooks’s musical The Producers in London’s West End with the original Broadway cast and, no exaggeration, it was so funny I nearly peed myself. As Brooks later quipped, “I’m the only Jew who’s made money out of Hitler.” To show you our societal decline, there is no way this musical could make it to the stage today as it offends everyone. Sure, legacy reputation allows the original to be performed still. But it couldn’t be newly written. The wokesters would be up in arms.) Anyway, the gist of Brooks’s Get Smart TV show was that it spoofed the James Bond movie franchise, which at the time had Sean Connery in the lead, was producing fantastic movies almost – only almost –as good as the Ian Fleming books, and which had yet to descend into the politically correct dreadfulness and even incoherence of the Daniel Craig Bond eyesores.

So the TV show’s main character was Agent 86, Maxwell Smart, a bumbling idiot of a secret agent who by pure chance repeatedly prevails against the evil KAOS forces (a clear nod in the direction of Fleming’s evil SPECTRE organisation in the Bond books and movies).  Better yet, the show had a number of regularly repeated gags that somehow made you laugh because of (not despite) your knowing what was coming. There was the Cone of Silence that was supposed to restrict who could hear a conversation to those under its cover, but in fact they were the only two people who could not hear what was being said. There was the gag that was some variation on ‘the old gun in the finger trick, second time it’s worked on me this month’. My favourite, though, was the ‘Would you believe it?’ gag. So Max would say to a KAOS agent who was pointing a gun at him something along the lines of ‘drop the gun, we are surrounded by 2,000 crack troops. Would you believe it?’ ‘No, Mr Smart, I don’t believe it.’ ‘Would you believe two dozen highly trained policemen?’ ‘Nope.’ ‘How about two boy scouts with peashooters?’

For reasons readers will work out for themselves, I couldn’t help but think of this old Get Smart ‘would you believe it?’ gag when I read last week that Penny Wong and Prime Minister Albanese and our Labour Government were claiming credit for helping to end the war in Gaza. ‘Would you believe it Australians? We here in Australia were the driving force in bringing about this Gaza ceasefire.’ No Penny, it’s risible to think your repeated calls for an under-siege Israel to restrain itself brought about peace. Or Labour’s counterproductive (that’s US Secretary of State Marco Rubio’s characterisation by the way) recognition of Palestine as a state, in company with other Leftie leaders Starmer, Macron and Carney. Or Albo’s prevaricating and hedging as regards the International Criminal Court’s issuing of arrest warrants for Israel’s and Hamas’s leaders, as though a democracy that was attacked and had its citizens slaughtered in much greater proportionate numbers than the 9/11 attack in the US is on the same plane or level as a death-cult terrorist organisation like Hamas. Or Australia’s UN votes against Israel. Or the implicit pandering to newly arrived Muslim immigrants by treating Israel as the bad guy – Israel being the only democracy in the whole region and a country with one-fifth of its population being Arabs who have more civil liberties and rights in Israel than they have (or anyone has) anywhere else in the region and hence why these Arab-Israelis show no desire to leave Israel.

So, no, we don’t believe Wong and Albo and Australia’s most Left-wing Government ever were in any way responsible for ending this war in Gaza. Okay, then, ‘Would you believe that without this Labour Government’s approach to the Gaza fighting – without its repeated condemnations of Israel in all its myriad incarnations – that Israel’s Prime Minister Netanyahu would have felt somehow freer to continue with his military campaign? Would you believe that at least?’ I don’t think so Penny. Remember, the murderous thugs of Hamas have been praising your and Albo’s actions. Does anyone think Australia’s actions therefore influenced Mr Netanyahu in any way? Well, in any way that pushed the parties towards achieving peace? Because it seems very likely to have been counterproductive in just the way that US Secretary of State Marco Rubio suggested and so made ongoing conflict more likely. Again, let’s remember that Israel had hostages it was trying to release while Australia, Canada, Britain and France (all led by progressive lefty leaders who are overseeing mass inward immigration) had domestic political concerns that a disinterested outside observer could be forgiven for thinking was top-of-the-mind in motivating all of the Albo Government’s actions. There is absolutely zero reason for believing that Israel’s Government cared in the least what Australia’s Government thought or wanted. Sadly, our Labour Government has ruined that relationship and now has no influence on Israel. And as for Albo’s influence with the Americans, well, if it were possible to have negative sway that’s where we’d be. Do you think the Trump administration has somehow magically forgotten that Albo once said that Trump ‘scared the s*** out of him’. And that Trump had to be approached with trepidation. Or do you think the Yanks are unaware that we have an ambassador to the US that has said far more disparaging things about Mr Trump than those? All just magically forgotten so that Australia can play the role of Greece to America’s Rome, with Albo whispering wise counsel into the Donald’s ear? It’s laughable to believe our Government had or has any influence – any positive influence – over anything the US did or does. And be clear. This Gaza peace deal was wholly and completely a Trumpian edifice. It was Trump who bombed Iran, a necessary precursor to this Gaza deal. It was Trump who could strong arm Qatar and Saudi Arabia and, yes, Mr Netanyahu. Not a single time would any of the parties have considered in any relevant way the views of France and Canada, never mind Australia.

The punchline third try then. ‘Would you believe Australia is such a laughing stock that it lightened the mood during the Gaza peace negotiations?’ Maybe that Penny. Maybe that. The old ‘try to take credit for something you had nothing to do with’ trick. Works on the ABC every time when it’s done by Labour.

James Allan is the Garrick Professor of Law at Queensland University. This article was first published in Spectator Australia.