A Satirical Suggestion that Trans Activists Take Up Arms to Protect Themselves From Hurty Feelings Appears to Have Been Taken Literally

Here at the Daily Sceptic, we take our reporting seriously, which has garnered us a wide readership from all segments of society – trans activists too, it seems.

Following the unpleasant incident back in April where the female athlete Riley Gaines was attacked on a U.S. college campus – supposedly in order to protect trans women – I issued a satirical call to arms, arguing in mock-passionate terms that trans activists on U.S. campuses shouldn’t have to rely merely on spitting, punching and kicking, but should be armed with guns, so as to prevent more violence against (trans) women.

Coming as it did not long after the Nashville school shooting, it was intended to serve as a darkly comedic warning about the dangers of encouraging people with questionable mental health to think of themselves as victims and to attack their supposed oppressors – while being full of the kind of bad science and woolly-headed outrage rhetoric typical of the woke genre. However, perhaps we didn’t label it clearly enough as “SATIRE”.

An article in today’s Telegraph reports on attempts by trans activists to disrupt Kellie-Jay Keen’s ‘Let Women Speak’ event in Hyde Park yesterday, in which some activists carried a banner proclaiming “ARM TRANS KIDS” – accompanied by imagery of sticks of TNT, an M134 Minigun mounted to a child’s buggy, what look like artillery pieces or naval guns emplaced in a Wendy House, as well as a cricket bat and other mêlée weapons more suitable for those shorter-range engagements with transphobes.

Judging from this tweet, they would appear to be serious trans activists, and not just people poking fun: they’re standing among other trans activists, and, when questioned, offer no clarification as to what the sign really means – leading me to conclude that they probably do think that more violence is the answer (even if their sign was exaggerated for effect). Perhaps they haven’t got the memo that the police are the armed wing of the woke mob. In fact, it’s difficult to imagine there wouldn’t have been arrests, had this been a sign calling to arm those protesting against lockdowns or 15-minute cities. I’m probably exaggerating, but anyone doing that might even risk having their children taken away for safeguarding reasons – which is, perhaps ironically, what I think should happen to anyone trying to give puberty blockers to their kids, which in a saner society would be called child abuse.

Anyway, since like many boys I was always fascinated by firearms, and now find myself in later years pondering esoteric questions such as whether Stoner’s AR-15 gas system can really be called “direct impingement”, I was of course intrigued by the choice of weaponry depicted in the sign. So I reached out to noted YouTube firearms expert and radical trans activist Ian McSatire for comment:

Mounting a Minigun to a kids’ buggy is an excellent idea (assuming it’s fitted with a 24V power supply) and wouldn’t cause any weight or ammo storage issues at all, but the location of the Minigun’s ejection port would likely mean that hot cartridge cases pouring out of the left-hand side of the gun at a rate of up to 100 per second would bounce off the vertical strut holding up the roof of the buggy and back into the trans kid’s lap, possibly injuring their groin area. The solution would obviously be pre-emptive surgery, as it is in all cases anyway, since there’s nothing wrong with that and nobody should ever say there is. Or they could try using an XM813 Bushmaster instead.

Secondly, how are these trans kids going to light the fuses on those sticks of TNT? Wouldn’t it be the height of irresponsibility to give them a cigarette lighter or matches in order to do so? This might encourage trans children to smoke, and as we all know, children’s lungs are delicate and still in development. As adults, we have a duty to prevent kids from making poor health choices that could affect them later in life. Be responsible – use C-4 instead.

These caveats aside, I’d like to congratulate the makers of this sign for heeding my satirical call to action. I’m now off to write my application to join the Babylon Bee.