And Finally…

Jonny Smith, co-writer of the acclaimed lockdown musical Scotch Egg, got in touch after listening to the most recent episode of London Calling and hearing the title of the closing number come up in conversation. He thought the lyrics might amuse Daily Sceptic readers, and I agree – they’re very funny.

Scotch Egg, you may recall, is a new musical set in the future, looking back at the Government’s handling of the pandemic and starring Boris Johnson and a rapping Chris Whitty – it sounds hilarious fun.

Jonny writes:

I was catching up on the excellent London Calling podcast yesterday and chuckled at James’s comment: “Well, Tobes, you can’t be too careful, after all.” This happens to be the title of the final song in our show, Scotch Egg and I thought you might enjoy seeing the lyrics (below). The show has got some great reviews and a real buzz going. We are in talks with larger theatres – latest reviews and pics on website.

“You Can’t Be Too Careful” – from “Scotch Egg – the musical”

I haven’t crossed a single city street,
Not since April nineteen ninety-three
Coz statistics truly frighten me 
You can’t be too careful after all

Going outside is quite a thriller
A country walk? I’d reconsider 
Coz nature is a serial killer  
And you can’t be too careful after all

CHORUS
You can’t be too careful 
You can’t be too careful 
Oh you can’t be too careful after all, not at all  
Oh you can’t be too careful  
You can’t be too careful
You can’t be too careful after all 
Mind the gap, watch your step, stay in bed, safety first, mind your head, walk this way, catch your sneeze, wash your hands 

Water’s clearly so dangerous 
A lifejacket really is a total must  
I wear mine while sitting on the bus  
You can’t be too careful after all

CHORUS
You can’t be too careful 
You can’t be too careful 
Oh you cant’ be too careful after all, not at all  
Oh you can’t be too careful  
You can’t be too careful
You can’t be too careful after all 
Mind the gap, watch your step, stay in bed, safety first, mind your head, walk this way, catch your sneeze, wash your hands 

I wear a mask! 
It’s a rigorous, effective thing,
Despite the fact it’s a quarter of a nappy
Tied up with a piece of string

(grandly, portentously)
I’m avoiding all humanity 
Especially all my friends and family 
It’s for the good of all society
And you can’t be too careful after all!