Covid Marshalls Wanted in Bishop’s Stortford
A job advertisement for Covid Marshalls has recently been posted onto the website Totaljobs. For £11 an hour, successful applicants will be responsible for providing “a ‘Covid safe’ environment” within the Bishop’s Stortford area, and will be granted the power to use “enforcement measures” when necessary if members of the public are not following “relevant legislation”. A link to the full job advertisement can be found here.
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How strange! There are no Covid measures to “enforce”
🙂
Yet…
Well, they are envisaging them being able to issue Fixed Penalty Notices, which means they envisage bringing restrictions back and criminalizing us again.
Hardly think the eminent council of Bishop Stortford has some insight to the government’s intentions ahead of anyone else.
Exactly, it would a great job, if I had it I would stroll about all day doing the square of f*ck all and getting paid by the sheep to do it.
Will they will be on commission next time? But just tell them to fcuk off.
Dunno, think there will be a fair share of retribution that goes with that job. Most people will hate them. Jumped up little shits with no training telling you what to do? Reminds me of the brownshirts.
I smell a budget surplus that needs spending…
Time to pay a visit to Wayne again for some handy authoritarian tips…
https://twitter.com/CovidMarshall
Hilarious stuff!
Yes – a great piss-take.
Hahahaha! love Wayne
Wayne The Covid Marshal
@CovidMarshall
‘At this rate it might be an idea to look at making football a 6 a side sport’
What’s in it for you?
…and a free gilet jaune.
Funny how an item can have an opposite meaning in different countries.
Nah, it’s boring crap.
Sounds like a job for anyone who has ambitions to be a traffic warden but hasn’t quite made the grade!
Indeed it’s an opportunity for the brain-dead. However, it’s one thing sticking a ticket on a car while the driver’s in the shop. It’s a different thing altogether sticking a ticket on somebody for not having a pass that entitles them to buy food. Some very hard times and lots of broken noses on the way for Covid Marshalls.
When the schools close again, it’ll provide alternative employment for those school-crossing ladies and gents.
👨🎨
I might fill in the application. In the ‘relevant experience’ section I will put:
I have always wanted to be an authoritarian despot enforcing apartheid but unfortunately I was to young to make it over to SA before that darned peaceful transition of government. I am good with a baton and would also be keen to learn the operation of a taser and sidearm if required. I have been eagerly watching the videos of the cops in Australia getting stuck into the anti-vaxxers and can’t wait to get started – I can even supply my own Bovver Boots as well.
Might say former football hooligan and several convictions for GBH in experience
Apply! I dare you!
Well if they were to receive a shed load of humourous applications it would keep them busy for a little while.
Also, “I have also read,and marked, Orwell’s ‘1984’ and am in full agreement with all of its despotic aspects. I believe in the expert gods, Vallance, Whitty and Ferguson. My creed is suppression, control and mindless tyrrany”.
Oh, and I lived under both apartheid and under UDI in Rhodesia and it was never as bad as the last 20 months.
Must say I’m generally unprofessional in approach, have a highly skewed sense of judgement, crap eyesight when it comes to detail, live nowhere near Bishop’s Stortford and can’t drive. Would they have me?
Thank you. You’ve just gone right to the top of the pile; when can you start?
“…when can you start?”
Too intrusive – I resign.
Not unless you possess the necessary sadism.
True – does make you wonder exactly what kind of bastard goes for a job like that?
The sort of inadequates who were playground bullies at school, and have failed at everything worthwhile since.
Coppers with their brains bashed out?
Coppers with brains? Oxymoron.
Yes. Especially the “highly skewed sense of judgment”>
“And how we burned in the camps later, thinking: What would things have been like if every Security operative, when he went out at night to make an arrest, had been uncertain whether he would return alive and had to say good-bye to his family? Or if, during periods of mass arrests, as for example in Leningrad, when they arrested a quarter of the entire city, people had not simply sat there in their lairs, paling with terror at every bang of the downstairs door and at every step on the staircase, but had understood they had nothing left to lose and had boldly set up in the downstairs hall an ambush of half a dozen people with axes, hammers, pokers, or whatever else was at hand?… The Organs would very quickly have suffered a shortage of officers and transport and, notwithstanding all of Stalin’s thirst, the cursed machine would have ground to a halt! If…if…We didn’t love freedom enough. And even more – we had no awareness of the real situation…. We purely and simply deserved everything that happened afterward.”
― Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn , The Gulag Archipelago 1918–1956
The ad says ‘flexible’.
Don’t they mean ‘bent’?
Odd – they don’t insist on jabberoids!
Yes, interesting that being jabbed up isn’t one of the qualifications.
That would be diskrim. Covidians dont diskrim.
👨🎨
We should all apply and subvert the system from within. Is a vaccine essential?
I’m happy to say I don’t know anyone who would apply to become a Kapo.
That said, it might be worth applying and mentioning that I have a medical exemption from mask wearing (which is true). That will be a fitting test of their diversity and inclusivity polices.
Technically it’s a blokleiter role.
I’m surprised blokleiter sinecures haven’t been offered to thug mates of Celtleiter Drakeford.
“Covid Marshalls Wanted in Bishop’s Stortford”
Wanted for what?
Harassment? Assault?
It may be ‘Covid safe’ but we don’t want to be perpetuating Covid, which is what the measures they will be enforcing will achieve.
Ops Sunrise? Freudian slip?
I suggest as many sceptics as possible sign up for this free money. They can interpret ‘enforce’ as they will.
Direct democracy. Local action. National impact.
I’ll be looking for a job when I’m sacked from the nhs for non compliance.
And it’s a massive pay rise as well for those ‘essential’ but dispensable NHS workers.
Not a bad idea, except you’d have to walk about looking like a complete bellend.
I quite like the idea of this job – I presume I could do it from home using Zoom or similar?
No no. Must be out on patrols. Keeping the whole communitieses saef.
But who’s going to marshal the covid marshal to ensure they keep marshalling?
Grasses and Snides Wanted in Bishop’s Stortford
Love the “About you” in the job advert. My translation in brackets)…
About you:
Excellent communication & customer service skills. (Preferably German speaking and able to serve food/gas treatment to our ‘customers’)
Professional in approach, with a balanced sense of judgement, and a keen eye for detail. (Authoritarian. Able to quickly spot concentration camp number tattoos)
Previous experience in a similar role is desirable, but not essential. (Any position in a fascist movement preferable, but SS lineage will do)
A valid SIA License or have applied for one
A full five-year checkable employment history. (Preferably as executioner… or Richard Madeley impersonator)
A full UK Driving License. (Forklift desirable – moving bodies)
It’s a biological equivalent of the mask in furtherance of the ongoing Kabuki (street-) Theatre. Gotta keep them visualising the fear!
(To the shrinks: does imagery afford a short-cut to the subconscious mind, for those who would deliver messages of persuasion?)
Taking a trip to Bishop’s Stortford is lower on my Bucket List than similar to Saffron Walden, the only points of interest being the etymology of their place-names.
London based civil and civic servants retire there to die.
Any locals still remaining after the age of 18 have seriously retarded ambition quotients since anybody with any ‘get up and go’ has long since got up and gone.
This would therefore be an ideal location for a local born youth to fly his wings and fulfill his cherished aspirations by becoming his proud towns very own 😷 COVID MARSHAL.😷
Make way Ladies and Gentlemen. Borislav has something to say 🙌👋😂👏👏👏👏👏
There is some very nice countryside around Bishop’s Stortford. It’s a part of the country mostly undiscovered by tourists. Northern Essex and northern Hertfordshire. Lovely villages with ancient houses. Here’s Wendens Ambo:
A girl I was completely in love with when I was 15 went to live in Wendens Ambo with her family and I wrote to her for a while. I have not seen or thought about the words Wendens Ambo since 1993. Thanks for reminding me of the heartache! 😂😭😭
I used to live a few miles away in Hertfordshire and I’m sure Wendens Ambo is perfectly lovely but it isn’t Gods Waiting Room as are Bishops Stortfod or Saffron Walden.
Too much development to be still rural, not enough to be interesting.
they’ll need an SIA License (sic) – in other words bouncers.
The chief characteristic of covid assistants shuffling round my town is a fat arse.
Presumably, they’ve taken the job as a way of reducing that amplitude.
More of a late summer/early autumn gig for moi!
The names and addresses of ‘Covid marshalls’ could be printed out and posted everywhere, so that people know who these little shits are. Name and shame.
Good idea ! Mind You JK Rowling has had visitors , her crime – confirming women are women or such like 🤦🏼♂️
As I’ve noted on here several times, the civil service job website regularly advertises vacancies for covid jobs. But the jobs were previously marked as temporary, they’re now permanent.
* Successful applicants may get the shit kicked out of them.
Quislings!
The Nu variant is out, BBC just flashed we are requiring quarantine for arrivals from Southern Africa, and all h£ll is about to break lose again. So of droids they are hiring Marshalls.
The beat goes on. And since the vaccine is likely ineffective against Nu, guess how useful the boosters are? This is why you work on treatments (which are coming on line), not vaccines. Tamiflu has saved more lives that the ad hoc flu vaccines (which I dutifully for this year because…why not).
Marshalls? Covid is the gift that keeps giving new jobs. Too bad it killed so many old ones.
Excellent branding: “New Covid”. Vaxx resistant and antibody resistant. I’ve been expecting this for months, wonder if this is the killshot?
Our healthcare system is about to experience a tsunami! Potential side effects of jabs include chronic inflammation, because the vaccine continuously stimulates the immune system to produce antibodies. Other concerns include the possible integration of plasmid DNA into the body’s host genome, resulting in mutations, problems with DNA replication, triggering of autoimmune responses, and activation of cancer-causing genes. Alternative COVID cures EXIST. Ivermectin is one of them. While Ivermectin is very effective curing COVID symptoms, it has also been shown to eliminate certain cancers. Do not get the poison jab. Get your Ivermectin today while you still can! https://ivmpharmacy.com
But there’s the new more dangerous variant that will arrive on these shores from South Africa in about 4 weeks. /sarc
Covid Marshalls for a virus with an IFR of 0.15%?
And we are not expected to believe they are taking the P? That this is FA to do with health?
Wankers.
Similar jobs advertised at Watford and other towns